Kanda Yû (神田ユウ) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lotusmesenpai) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
overjoyed_logs2017-01-14 07:49 pm
lotusmesenpai) wrote in overjoyed_logs2017-01-14 07:49 pm
[closed] Along for the Ride
Who: Kanda, Lavi, & Steinbeck
Where: Traveling from Leith to Old Town
When: W3D6
Summary: Kanda and Lavi received a warrant to escort a scarback from Leith to Westerley, along with his supplies.
Restrictions/Warnings: Usual Kanda disclaimer - language.
Where: Traveling from Leith to Old Town
When: W3D6
Summary: Kanda and Lavi received a warrant to escort a scarback from Leith to Westerley, along with his supplies.
Restrictions/Warnings: Usual Kanda disclaimer - language.
no subject
Yet it's not the smell of food that has him stir with a soft groan, but fingertips that are almost like ice to his overheated skin, head turning unconsciously in an effort to recapture the feeling of cold relief.
Slowly, with more strain than he'd like to admit, he opens his good eye, staring blearily into the space in front of him. Details of the day swirl hazily in his head, normally pristine memory struggling to piece together a chain of cause and effect.
He's awake because there's food and a light touch. Before that--there was just sleep, and then talks with the uncle, and then..
The strain of trying to make his tired mind work proves too much effort, so he gives up, barely resisting the siren song of returning to sleep. Lavi blinks methodically, trying to keep his eye open despite the impossible weight on his lashes. ]
Mm.. soba smells weird. Think you burned it.
[ Disease-riddled or not, he's positive he's never seen Yu cook anything outside of soba with accessories. Whatever the food is--he hasn't mustered the will to look yet--doesn't register as either of those categories.
Maybe the uncle, then. That or Lavi is well and truly losing his mind, because there's no way Yu would cook something not-soba without losing a bet or having a warrant involved, right? ]
no subject
[Once awake, it would have made sense to withdraw the touch, but it's not so instantaneous as it should have been. Instead, he continues carding damp strands of hair back, until they're no longer sticking to Lavi's face. He pauses, a tired yet critical gaze lingering on his partner's face as he stands beside the seat, the slumped form looking less sleepy and more simply listless.]
Noah, read Lavi's vitals to me.
[He listens to her electronic voice rattle statistics off, numbers on an impersonal drone.
You're human, too, idiot. At this rate...
Scowl darkening further, he forces the thought back before it can complete, finally lets his hand fall from Lavi's temple as he steps back. He picks up the bowl and thrusts it towards his partner with his customary scowl.]
It's soup, so take the damn bowl. I need to go get something.
no subject
As is, he just mews in complaint when that hand draws back, sleepily focusing his gaze on it in wordless protest.
Fortunately, what he lacks in energy and awareness is made up for with Noah's neutral information. Fevered, but not overly so, steady blood pressure, calm pulse. There's nothing warranting any particular sense of alarm, but that the question was even asked jolts him awake a little bit more, brings sharpness to his otherwise sleep softened features.
He would do well to relocate somewhere more private until this flu passes, he decides.
Shifting to make aching muscles move, he manages to straighten his spine before there's a bowl of not-soba shoved into his hands. Abstractly, he knows he needs to eat, but the process of chewing feels like a daunting task to even consider.
Staring numbly at the bowl in his hands, he manages a weak nod. ]
Sure. Tell Stein--
[ A yawn and groan all at once, masked behind a lifted hand and pantomime of a smile. ]
--I said thanks for the soup. The waiter is a nice touch, too. Little scary though.
no subject
At least, so far as cooking is concerned.
Because so far as Kanda can recall, he's never said he couldn't cook anything else - only that he doesn't like anything else. So it's fortunate for him that Lavi isn't on his usual game, because for a brief moment, his lips twitch in an effort to contain a sharp laugh.]
Idiot rabbit.
[That said, Kanda turns on a hell and makes a swift retreat back to the galley to grab his own bowl but pauses to run a clean dishcloth under cold water, throw a few ice cubes into a bowl with a little more water, then gather it all (along with his food) to head back to the bridge.
Because he hadn't missed the way Lavi had turned into his touch just then, and he didn't like the flushed look of the other man's face. They needed to do something to take the other man's temperature down and - unfortunately - playing nurse isn't something Kanda's exactly well versed at.
Fix a bullet wound, sure.
Deal with a fever? Not so much.
Still, once he's back on the bridge, he sets his own food down where Lavi's had been, sets the bowl of water on the floor beside his partner's seat, and then kneels long enough to wring the water out of the cloth.
Standing up, he steps around to the back of the seat and reaches forward, cards sure fingers through the damp hair at his partner's nape.]
Gonna be cold.
[Lavi's only warning, before Kanda slowly, and quite deliberately, sets the cool, damp cloth around the back of the man's neck.]
no subject
But while he makes no move to eat, he also lacks the willpower to put it away, fingers curling loosely around the sides of the bowl without the gumption to do much else.
If he could just shake this perpetual fatigue, things would be fine. Yu wouldn't look at him like he's some half-dried husk of himself or feel any need to bring him not-soba food.
(Though that's.. nice, in its own gruff way. Even if Steinbeck had been the one to cook for them, Yu isn't the sort to take orders casually. He wouldn't be bringing him food just because the Scarback willed it.)
The thought makes him smile again, a half-curve of his lips that's too muted to be the usual lie. Yu is a bastard to most people, but when he's asked how he manages to have such a partner (it's a fairly common question, actually), moments like these are always the answer. The little snippets of clumsy concern that speak to a softer nature than the other man would ever admit. ]
Mm?
[ Dazedly jerking with surprise when Yu returns (why didn't he hear him coming?), Lavi regards the second bowl of food, opens his mouth to offer a tired rejoinder about nurse maids and fretting--
"Gonna be cold."
--and then yelps loudly, the cloth so starkly cold against his fevered skin that he nearly spills the soup in his lap with the sudden change. Decidedly more awake than before, he turns his head up to mutter something irritated at Yu, brows knitted together in frustration.
Then the relief kicks in, the shock wears off, and he sighs softly, reaching a hand up to feel the quickly heating cloth. ]
Th-thanks. That's.. nice.
[ Breathing out a second sigh, Lavi leans forward enough to set the soup away, head swimming with dizziness from the sudden lurch. Laughing breathlessly, he tries for the usual tease, but the lilt of his voice is entirely too serious to match his faint smile. ]
You don't have to worry over me, you know. I just need to sleep a bit more, is all.
But thanks. It's also..nice.
[ Not that a perfectly sound Lavi would care to admit it, but having someone invested enough to mind his health? His state of being? It's.. yeah.
Something akin to "nice". ]
no subject
[Just a single word and a gruff tone, because what's he supposed to say to that? Lavi's not one to normally be so open and, more than anything else his partner has done, it's enough to put Kanda a little off balance.
More so, with something so simple as a shaky laugh and the ghost of an honest smile.
Falsehoods and distance are easy things for him to combat (and when did he start considering them something he has to combat?), but tired sincerity?
He's sure this isn't something Lavi would show so willingly, if he weren't ill. (It's vulnerability, and an unconscious trust. It's another link added to the ties binding them together - only this one isn't one of Kanda's own forging for once) And he knows that this isn't something Lavi would have ever allowed him to see, if his body wasn't too busy fighting something so draining, something hell bent on killing everyone it touched.
Fortunately for them both, Kanda has no intention of letting it lay either of them low for long.
So for now he reaches out, places a hand, fingers splayed, over the center of Lavi's chest, pushes him with care back into the seat before the man has a chance to fall out of the chair - because he'd seen the way hands shook before the bowl was set down.
He can feel the extra warmth through the thin layer of the other man's shirt, lets the unease of it settle hollowly in his own chest as he shifts around, reaches down with his free to dip it in the icy water. This he lifts to trace over his partner's forehead, his gaze somber as he watches his own fingers leave damp lines across an already sweat-soaked brow.]
You sleep any more and you're never gonna wake up. Just eat your damn soup, Lavi, before I force it down your throat.
[More gruff words and empty threats. Easier to say than a simple 'I'm worried' for Kanda, any day. ]
no subject
But that person, all observation, analytics, and lies--that person is entirely too much trouble to summon just now. It's exhausting to keep up the pretenses, and while it's a fight he recognizes himself as losing in this moment of weakness, Lavi welcomes defeat nonetheless.
Defeat, for now, means letting someone else get close enough to assuage his anxiety. To ease his aching body with a gentle touch.
So he lets Kanda lead him back with almost tender reverence, ghost smile still lingering on his lips. It's difficult to focus, heavy-lidded and woozy as he feels, but he does his best to watch Yu, studying him in a fevered-haze light that.. softens those normally sharp features.
Endears him in a way he's sure to blame on fever later, even if it's not entirely the first time he's thought it.
It's a sight soon robbed from him when cool digits trace across his brow, soothe the fire in his skin momentarily. Memories bubble up beneath those traveling fingertips, phantoms of an old battle stirring in the back of his mind. His body had burned with a different fever then, torn asunder by bullets embedded in flesh too young yet to easily recover.
Someone stood over him then too, murmured softly at him.
--though that time had been without threats of violence.
Lavi laughs despite himself, breath wheezing slightly. He reaches up to catch the hand dancing over his skin, pulling it down to press against his cheek as he shakes his head in weak denial.
(Not once does he consider the oddity of the moment, just how out of the ordinary it is that he's seeking a touch to comfort himself and not irritate the recipient.) ]
Mm, this feel good too. You know, everyone thinks you're so mean, but I know better. You're just..
[ Loose lips and sinking ships, all that. Common sense kicks in belatedly, silencing his tongue, hand falling away from the one he holds to hang limply at his side. ]
Sorry. Talkin' nonsense again.
no subject
Even so.
He can't remember a time over the last three years where he's seen this man, his partner, so open, utterly unguarded - more than enough reason to stay the sharp lash of his tongue, to keep him from pulling back into a swift retreat.
Instead, he simply watches the way that smile seems to soften Lavi's features, makes him look younger, relaxed despite the exhaustion trying to take it's toll from him. His gaze lingers on the press and glide of the hand over his, watches as Lavi turns into the touch, the way his fingers trace a flushed cheek, feels the weight of those digits as they slide across the back of his hand before falling away entirely.
But it's the sound of knuckles tapping against the seat that visibly jolts Kanda sharply back from his distraction, brings him back to this moment with a slow blink and an exasperated sigh.]
You always talk nonsense. How is this any different?
[That said, he finally pulls his hand back from Lavi's face, his thumb unconsciously tracing dangerously close to the corner of his partner's lips before completing the retreat.
(He's not going to let his thoughts linger on the expression already etched into his mind, or the trust inherent in an intimate touch. Not if he wants to keep his sanity and their ever shifting boundaries in tact)
Reaching behind Lavi's neck, he steals the now warm cloth and then bends down to a knee, makes swift work of dipping it back into the water and wringing it out once again. This time, he folds it down and places it back over Lavi's forehead.]
Besides - I'm not worried. Even if you tried spouting that nonsense, no one would believe you.
[That's not entirely true though. Not anymore. Not with so many ghosts from his past determined to resurface...]
no subject
It's strange, enough so for his tired thoughts to converge on the paradox of reactions, but not enough for him to delve deeper into analysis. For now, he's content with just letting it be strange, a simple side-effect of whatever trees-forsaken sickness has entrenched his veins.
Lavi's glad, at least, that Yu doesn't seem to be suffering for it in the same way. He looks.. surprisingly okay. Tired, but that's normal for him.
Though.. that doesn't really mean much, does it?
If he'd gone with looks alone, he might never have noticed the depth of the shadows under Yu's eyes. Might never have thought to ask Noah how often Yu leaves the ship to run in the wilds when sleep eludes him.
He certainly wouldn't know that the inhuman healing rate of the man's body has been declining. All of these things he knows by happenstance, by sheer luck of discovery.
Lavi frowns faintly, resisting the urge to close his eye and resuming his study of the other. Focus is nigh impossible, but it's important, too important to let himself give up.
Shifting uncomfortably, he attempts sitting up straighter, mouth opening in protest that never makes it off his lips. What does come to fruition is a sigh, wistful and soft, body sinking right back down in the chair in tandem to the cool cloth on his forehead.
It would be so easy to just sleep again..
No, this is important. While Yu is taking care of him, who's taking care of Yu?
Blinking in some desperate bid to keep his lashes from falling, Lavi reaches up to that cloth, pulls it away and makes a second attempt to sit up properly. His voice is barely a murmur when he speaks, struggling to make himself heard. ]
That's probably true, but..
[ Brows knit in clear worry, too tired yet to mask the anxiety in his face. ]
Are you okay? Really okay?
no subject
It's a shared secret, a shared confidence that had laced the air between them, drawn them closer than either of them had ever intended to get.
Three years this man's partner... and only now are they really, truly, beginning to see each other.
It's a daunting realization, and one he instinctively wants to shy away from... and yet. Whether it's because of illness or fatigue or the wearing down of time or circumstances - he doesn't know how to put that distance back between them.
Surprisingly, he doesn't really want to, either.
Because this part of his partner, the part that looks at him, sees him with all his faults and flaws, this part that doesn't look away... this part that lets him see what's left behind the title and the mask... it's a gift, in a sense. Honesty for honesty, a truth finally meeting sincerity.
Looking up into that anxious gaze, Kanda can only let out a shuddered breath, one he hadn't realized he'd been holding, before he nods slowly. A flicker of lashes while he tries to reign in the tumultuous thoughts chasing each other in circles in his mind, the (likely) vain hope that Lavi's usually sharp perception hasn't quite caught on to the chaotic vein of his own thoughts as he offers a small, crooked smile, honest weariness reflected in the curve of his lips.]
...I'm getting there. So, for once, how 'bout we focus on you for a change?
[Pausing at that, he holds that gaze steadily and reaches out to reclaim the cloth, to once more ease the other man back in his seat.]
You need to rest, and heal. Noah [his voice catches slightly, because it wouldn't be just the ship, but himself as well... and he's only just starting to realize that] will never forgive me if anything happens to you, idiot rabbit.
no subject
It's not that he's particularly self-sacrificing--Lavi doesn't think so, anyway. It's just the natural role of someone who's tasked to observe without ever becoming attached: to redirect attention away from himself and tend to others. All things considered, it's been easy to ignore his own disquieting visions, the spark of headaches, the fraying edges of a normally keen mind.
There have always been more pressing concerns than himself. No, it's not some altruistic nature at all, it's just another form of deception and cowardice to keep himself removed from the world.
A tactic that Yu has been consistently fighting against, though the reasons why largely elude him. He no more understands why his partner insists on sincerity than he grasps why he's been so weak to resist it.
Or, for that matter, why he can't seem to look away from the gaze so intent on holding his own.
Swallowing harder than he'd like, Lavi relents the cloth in his hands, lets Yu guide him back with just as much care and consideration as the first time. He still yearns to protest it--this tenderness--and redirect, but he's cognizant enough of his own patterns to refrain.
To accept letting himself be the one who isn't perfectly okay, if only for this moment. And maybe even tolerate the idea of wanting to be cared for, despite so many years of training bidding him shame for it.
Thus Yu gets his unlikely hope--not in the form of anxiety released or worries blanketed with those words, but in reluctant agreement not to press the point. Lavi doesn't really believe that he's half as okay as he says, but he's in no real position to argue that or do anything about it.
The catch in the other's voice, however, isn't sparred as readily. Eye narrowing faintly, Lavi summons one of those ghost smiles, weak and waning though it is. ]
Just Noah, huh? [ He supposes he doesn't deserve any better--but if he's going to be selfish in this, he might as well be thorough about it. Lavi tries to fake a hurt expression, something mocking and light-hearted.
The result is something much more honest than his original aim. ] Definitely don't want to.. make her cross with you, then.
no subject
[There's something in that smile that pulls the ghost of an answer to his own, fingers absently carding damp bangs back once again. Despite the flush and the fever, there's something oddly endearing in the way Lavi's watching him, the attempt at levity that felt quieter. Real Shifting his gaze, he watches the way darkened locks fall over pale fingers, surprised to realize he was even doing so. Lavi's hair was surprisingly softer than he'd expected - even sweat soaked as it happens to be.
Despite all of that, it's... nice. Oddly calming to feel the light weight, the warmth of those strands glide over calloused fingertips.
Warm.
Shit.
Lavi's half out of it with a fever and what's he doing? Playing with the man's hair?
Jumping slightly, Kanda clears his throat and makes quick work of sliding the cool cloth over the back of Lavi's neck once again before turning back to retrieve the still steaming bowl of soup, offer it to Lavi.]
C'mon - can you sit up enough to eat? You haven't had anything even semi-solid in nearly two days.
[Later - the perpetual later for them when it comes to complicated thoughts, it seems. But later, he'll ask himself just what the hell he's even thinking. Now, he has a partner determined to avoid food despite his body's very real need of it.]
no subject
Breath itself barely slips past his teeth, air locked somewhere deep in the cage of his lungs. It's not, he knows, a sudden symptom of illness, not the wicked spell of disease.
The tightness in his chest and burning in his skin would persist even in perfect health, for the force which leaves him speechless is something far more insidious and powerful. Something tender and frightfully bright; something so achingly real that it rebukes his attempts to shroud it in a lie.
But it has no name, for him. No distinct sound or word. It's not one emotion but several, twined together with threads of conflicting identities.
The only thing clear about the phenomena is the cause, the root.
The man who creates storms in his heart with each passing day, who breathes conflict through the smallest touches and glimpses of truth--that person is to blame.
And all too soon, that person is drawing away, jumping back as if he's been singed by the fires that burn through Lavi's thoughts. ]
Yu--
[ Lavi isn't sure if his voice ever makes it through the air, isn't sure if he even cares to find out. Shapes begin to lose their edge, blurring and bleeding together, the world swirling and spinning like watercolors funneled through a drain. A cool sensation on his nape tries to startle and stun him away from the precipice of wakefulness and dreaming, but he ignores it.
He is safe now, he knows. He need not react to every noise or seek measures of defense. Here .. he can rest, as he so badly wants to do.
So with one last smile, he shakes his head softly, turning away from those things that would keep in grounded in the world and gives in to the call of the deep. ]
no subject
With a sigh, Kanda sets the bowl back down, again, before turning to look at his partner with a frown. Face still flushed and breath shallow, Lavi looks like he's slowly getting worse instead of better. It's unsettling, this reminder of just how mortal his partner is, leaves a hollow feeling to weigh down his chest.
Because Lavi?
Plain human, for all that he's far from simple. No special tech coursing through his partner's veins, hell bent on keeping him alive. No curse of scientific innovation there to hold death's kiss at bay.
All Lavi has is a personal willpower and a stubborn as hell persona.
Frighteningly fragile, either way Kanda looks at it. Reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, Kanda's mind races. Do they turn around, go back to the hospitals on Leith? Would the doctor's lock Lavi in quarantine, keep him back somewhere where Kanda wouldn't be able to guard his back? Somewhere where they could use his blood and the results of this infection within him for their own gain?
...Is his own hatred and fear putting Lavi's life in unnecessary risk?
Normally, assessing a situation and making the hard decision is something Kanda can do without hesitation, but now? When it comes to dealing with a threat to his partner's well-being that doesn't include being shot at, bombed, or nearly set aflame?
Now he hesitates, adrift in unfamiliar terrain - because even knowing there might be a measure of help for the other man in the Leithian hospitals, Kanda's not willing to simply let the other man go.
Dangerously selfish of him, for now...]
This is why you're such a damned idiot, Lavi.
[Sighing then, he barks a few quick orders to Noah - let him know when it's time to begin their approach to Westerley, let him know if their guest wakes and starts moving around the ship, before he reaches down and shifts the larger man around in his chair until he can get one arm under Lavi's knees and the other behind his back. There's a faint grunt with the strain of picking up someone sleeping like the dead before heading the short distance down to their rooms.
He hesitates a moment, and then turns into his own room before he can second guess that, too. A few quick steps has him shifting the man in his arms with a soft series of curses, enough to hold him against Kanda's chest with one arm and reach down with the other to draw down the blankets before depositing Lavi carefully down. He pauses just long enough to strips boots and socks off the other man's feet, along with the headband (though he does not consider even for a moment about removing the eyepatch) before tossing the blanket over the other man.
Stepping back, his scowl deepens all the more because despite all that jostling around and Lavi hadn't ever even really stirred. Another long moment, one last track back to the bridge to get water, cloth, and food before he returns to settle in on the floor beside the bed.
Little cat naps, until Noah's warning they were ready to start their approach and he has to leave again - this time with the command to the ship to let him know if Lavi wakes while he's gone.
Getting Stein unloaded and delivering the man + supplies isn't so bad.
...Having a breakdown and attacking an info broker that hedges on the edge of friendship? Exhausting.
Somewhat shaken and exhausted, Kanda takes them out of Intake and starts them on the long trek back to Leith before checking on Lavi one more time. Another cold compress, another flash of concern, before he finally murmurs a quiet 'fuck it' and kicks off his shoes, crawls into his usual side of his bed. Head throbbing and body aches aside, it doesn't take long for Kanda to be pulled under as well...]