overjoyed_logs | Pre-Game Catchall | the grass grows greener on the other side

[For Steinbeck, it seemed like his life was cut in half. There was the Steinbeck of the past, the Westerley native, a cheerful but dark soul whose appetite for violence and bloodshed somehow didn't overshadow the nice, pleasant life he had with family and friends. And then there was the Steinbeck of now, who had turned to dark extremes and found solace in faith and strange ideas of roots and earth and vengeance. Somehow, connections between the two remained, and more often than not, they came in the form of people.]

[And one of those people was a young girl he thought he'd never see again. And yet, as he was passing through the streets of Westerley, he had stopped in shock, because he had suddenly seen that young girl just pass right by him in the crowd. The long black hair, those deep eyes...it couldn't be.]

Alice? [He blinks. It can't be. It's been so long. She's older now, it can't be her, and yet...he turns around, quickens his pace, raising his voice to get her attention.] Hey, Alice...hey, Alice, turn around! Is it really you...?

[ Alice had tried, once more, to venture out on her own. Some days, she's successful and other days, not so much. Today was easily leaning towards the latter part, Alice was growing more anxious, finding the basic task of just shopping too daunting. It's been six months and it shouldn't have been so difficult, she should be used to it, she felt. But six months is nothing in comparison to ten years and so much can happen in ten years.

Alice was once a very jovial girl, she was difficult to contain, she would often wander off on her own much to her sister's dismay, always chatty and happy. But an older Alice looked drained, her long hair in her face as Alice was pitifully trying to muster up the will to force herself out. Just as Alice was thinking about turning back, admitting defeat, the voice behind her causes Alice to stop. She dreads to sEE who it is, so Alice doesn' turn around right away. She stands there, scrunching up her eyes.

Who is it now?

Usually if someone calls out to her, it's never a good thing. What did I do? Alice turns around, expecting something else, something worse, and- ]

Oh.

[ Her memory isn't broken --- too much, that is. Alice remembers him and despite the anxiety wracking in her mind and body, her shoulders drop in relief. She remembers him, John Steinbeck, a boy a few years older than him, one of the few children she ever knew and how happy that made her parents and sister. Does she look terrible? Does he know like everyone else? ]

Yes, it's me. [ She must look terrible, she hasn't slept well in the past few weeks. ] Ah, John? It's been quite some time.

[She's so different.]

[She's so worn, like a doll that's been left in the dark for years before being unearthed. He remembers a cheerful girl with bright eyes. There's barely any brightness in her eyes now.]

Alice...

[He breaths, eyes not leaving hers. What happened? He was too young, too naive to understand what had gone on in her life, and he was too caught up in his own issues to really set aside time to think over it. But the memories are good. She was a good friend, and it saddened him to think he would never see her again.]

It's really been too long. It's...really good to see you.

[And he's sincere about that.]

Are you doing okay...?

[ Alice wasn't sure how to respond. It felt like every movement was delayed, overly considered by her. She almost was like a stray cat standing there, eyes wide green eyes, unsure whether or not to dart off.

But running away would be a terrible thing to do. Really, she wasn't sure how to stomach anyone that her family associated with beyond the family lawyer, who she was very certain was trying to take away her inheritance completely. ]

Ten years.

[ Well, this is just awkward and she's awkward. ]

Me? I'm fine. I was... [ Alice has to stop and look around, always aware of her surroundings, ready to flee. ] I was trying to venture out.

[ And that must sound utterly stupid. What a great icebreaker, admitting to being a shut-in. ]

Ten years.

[He repeats, like he can't even fathom the number. Ten years. And it's like they were two different people now.]

[It's certainly awkward. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't. But that isn't going to stop him from reaching out and finding out just why she has to venture out in the first place. But this isn't the place for that. He reaches up a hand to scratch the back of his neck, his voice quiet:]

I see. [A pause.] Hey, do you want to go somewhere quieter? I can take you to a local place that serves some nice food around here...are you hungry?

Quieter?

[ At the rate she's going, the more limited she is in her responses. Alice wanted to push herself, but she felt more and more backed into a corner by the passing second. ]

I, ah-

[ Alice finally relents. ]

I'm not hungry, though I would quite like to go some place quieter.

Sure thing! I mean, it's too noisy here.

[And too nerve-wracking - he can see how a place like this would push someone out of their comfort zone. He wants to talk to Alice, but he doesn't want to see her like this, slowly withdrawing into herself.]

[He offers her a hand to take, smiling brightly.]

Let's go.

[ That eases a weight off of Alice's shoulders.

Though, as soon as he offers a hand, Alice is left reluctant to take it. She has long since grown to hate touch but likes to think that surely he, someone she knew as a child, is not at all capable of hurting her.

But the intense dislike outweighs Alice taking his hand. She glances down at his hand, holding her own close tightly to her chest before she sheepishly ducks her head and follows behind. It's nothing personal, she will assure him of that. ]

[He doesn't seem offended at all. He just nods, understanding, before he turns and allows her to follow. He'll give her space. Her comfort means more to him than his, at the moment.]

It's not too far away. [He takes a few shortcuts he knows, before they both come out to a little nook in the corner of a street, where a table has been set out in front of what has to be the smallest little cafe. Though, probably calling it a cafe would be a compliment. But Steinbeck isn't here for food - he pulls out a chair at the table for Alice, ever so politely, before taking his own seat. He props an elbow on the table, smiling warmly over at her.]

Your hair's gotten so long. It really fits you.

Edited 2017-01-15 04:56 (UTC)

It has?

[ Being out of sight allows Alice to relax -- just a little. There's a slight change in her posture; her shoulders aren't as tense and she starts to push hair behind her ears as she settles down. She isn't about to say that it was singed in the fire and how she's now just been able to grow it back.

Her hair is the only thing that makes her feel proud in regards to her appearance. Although, on one hand, he's different, too. Maybe it had been so long she couldn't remember fully the childhood games of hide and seek or her bringing him into her stories. She can't frown, it wouldn't be right.

Long like her mother's, like her sister's. Alice ducks her head again and mutters a "thank you". ]

I thought I wouldn't ever be able to see you again or anyone else I used to know, not since- well.

Yeah. It does.

[He wouldn't lie about a thing like that. He notices the way she relaxes, and leans forward slightly, his gaze never leaving her. He wants to ask so many questions, discover every detail of what happened to someone who made his life so bright, back in the day...but he won't do that. She's not some kind of box he has to pry open to find out what's inside.]

[He respects her too much to do something like that.]

It's been a while, but...well, small world, really! [He tilts his head, expression falling into a concerned frown.] Tell me, what did happen? You disappeared then, but I never got all the details from my parents...I looked for you, you know, but you were gone.

[ Whatever that happened, Alice was somewhat relieved and alarmed with this revelation. She's unsure how to respond and it leaves her staring at him, almost akin to a deer in headlights. After her treatment in a Westerly asylum, Alice feels reluctant to discuss the details of her past, at least in absolute detail. Alice opens her mouth a few times, but finds it difficult to pick the right words. ]

I'm the only one left.

[ Did that work? If she were to discuss the fire and how they were killed, Alice may find herself slipping out of her mind. ]

So I was sent away and then I came back.

Only...one?

[That's...he doesn't know how to react to that. It almost makes him reel, blink in confusion, because she can't mean what she's saying, right? He opens his mouth, as if to say something, but closes it.

[A moment of silence passes before he nods, his expression now much more serious.]

I see. I'm glad you're back, though. You're being taken care of, right? Or are you on your own?

They were killed.

[ It seemed her explanation wasn't thorough enough, so Alice responds, looking elsewhere, drumming her hands on the table. This omittance makes her anxious, as an irrational fear swallows her up that somehow in some way, he'll think less of her. He'll think of her just like anyone else that knows what happened to her when she was sent to Westerly.

Alice turns back and looks at her hands on the table. ]

I want to be on my own. [ Is she? She's not sure. She's not sure of herself or anything right now. Alice finally looks back up at him and her face softens. ]

I do hope despite that, you won't think less of me. You were one of the few friends I had when I was a little girl. Despite the circumstances, I'm happy to see you, the only friendly face around here, so far.

I'm sorry.

[And he internally cringes, because that seems like such an insincere way to express sympathy, to just say "I'm sorry" like he had a hand in the thing.]

I-I can't even imagine...

[He lowers his gaze. Losing everyone...it's such a brutal, cruel truth. He remembers those people. By the Mother Tree, what if that happened to his family? How could he go on, after something like that?]

[Alice's words bring his attention back, and he shakes his head, his tone adamant.]

I would never think less of you, Alice. You were my friend back then, and I still see you as my friend, now. [It's the truth - his ties to people lie deep, like roots.] I'm here for you.

You don't have to apologize, you did nothing wrong.

[ If anything, John's apology was the most sincere condolences she's had in a decade. With that portion confessed, Alice can only hope that she won't have to explain anything else. The details will come later, in time, when Alice is more comfortable discussing it. ]

Besides, it's-

[ I'm here for you. Why does that bother her? Maybe it's the fear that one day, he'll be gone, too, up in flames like the rest of her family. So much can be lost in a matter of minutes. With a breath, Alice was deadset on recollecting herself and making the most of this reunion. She tried, she forced a smile on her worn face. ]

Well, I'm glad to have you as a friend, John. I'm happy... but you- you must be here for something exciting, yes? Tell me more about what you've been up to.

I know, I...

[But he can't help. He can't go back in time and reverse things. He can't do anything to fix this. And that's what hurts, to see someone he was close to suffering like this without any solution for it.]

Oh, me? [He's glad for the distraction in the form of a question, and smiles, pointing at his robes.] I, well, I became a Scarback. Decided to sort things out for myself and I found faith. Now I'm going around helping others as best as I can. I try to visit family as much as possible, though. I think they're happy with what I do, though I guess they don't like seeing more scars than they have to.

[Not even the people closest to him want to know just how many ways he's hurt his own body in the name of his religion.]

Why wouldn't they be happy?

[ Alice is the least pleased he's found a calling. What little she's heard about the Scarbacks leaves little to judge. He's found faith where she's lost hers and Alice eases into the first small smile she's had in a while. ]

It makes you happy. I don't care what anyone says about Scarbacks, that doesn't sound awful, at all.

[ With the exception of inflicting pain on one's self. ]

I hear so many rumors about Scarbacks; what does one do as one?

Ah, they're believers in the faith, but I think it might be bit of a sore spot to see me bleeding every other time I see them. Ruthie adores the scars though. She says she thinks they make me look like a warrior from one of her bedtime stories, haha.

[He loves his family so much. He can understand why they feel the way they do, because his safety is their priority. But he's a strong boy, always has been, and even though they might fret over him they know he's tougher than he looks. He's happy for that.]

Mostly I perform religious rites and blessings if needed. I, of course, attend to people in need, especially those in poverty, and we try to spread our faith and our scriptures where we can. I'm definitely a very busy guy. [The Resistance takes up most of his time, but he won't share that tidbit. Not now.] But being a Scarback allows me to travel wherever I'm needed, so I always find it nice to be able to come back here when I can.

I can see why some may be wary of you, hurting yourself for your faith. Though-

[ Alice doesn't really see the issue with it, but if she were to find herself in a similar situation, it would be out of an anger she couldn't express. ]

We hurt ourselves in some way, either it be for a belief or a gain in our life. Advancements aren't without some level of pain, mental or physical.

[ He does seem so happy and if he's happy, Alice can be, too. She forces another smile, just for his sake. It hurts to hear him speak so happily about his family whereas she has none.

She hates to admit she's jealous of him, Scarback priest. ]

Then, if you travel, John, you are always welcome to Leith. I... I have my own house all to myself, I'd be happy to offer you a room when you do come.

You've got it. It's not like I'm doing it because it's fun. It's give and take. I take the sins and suffering of others into myself, and allow others to be purified through my pain.

[It's a concept he knows many others wouldn't want to understand, since self-sacrifice is not a natural part of being human. People are selfish. It's odd for someone to do something that's so detrimental to one's self for the sake of others on a constant basis.]

Oh, Alice, that's too kind of you. [He beams wide, his eyes bright.] Of course I'll visit you! I mean, I can't imagine, a house all by yourself...you know what, do you have plants there? Flowers? I can bring some to brighten it up, if you'd like!

Take the sins and suffering...? Ah, that's-

[ What she is about to say that it sounds ridiculous and how she didn't believe such a thing. But Steinbeck is beaming, content with his role. So the term "scarback" finally comes to light. ]

That's very rewarding!

[ How can she speak so disdainfully of something that makes him so happy? What would be a nervous laugh (if she could laugh, at all) instead is replaced with a breathy response. ]

Ah, I cannot say that I have flowers -- plenty of greens, no flowers! I would most certainly appreciate it! It's not too terrible! I don't feel that it's right to have anyone to help me, not when I am able to do so, myself.

It sure is!

[He doesn't even suspect she might think of it in another way - he's just happy to hear someone approving of his duties so highly.]

Oh, no flowers? Not a single one? That's an absolute shame! [He slaps a hand on the table.] Don't even worry about it, Alice, I'll certainly get you on the right track for some plants, just count on me!

I had no idea you were a gardener, John.

[ What she remembers of him as a boy seems so long ago. She hopes she hasn't forgotten tidbits like that. What he likes, little things like this. He would be the first guest she would open her doors to willingly. ]

Then whenever you are back in Leith, I'll make a special dinner for you.

[ And, she adds, unlike other Leithian heiresses... ] Myself, that is.

Ah, not really a gardener, really...I dabble in plants from time to time, though.

[In more ways than one.]

[The more she talks, the more he remembers them as children, chatting about nothing in particular as children do. Things were simpler back then. Happier. It's nice to remember those times, even now.]

That's too nice of you. You know, my favorite kind of food is always homemade. [He tilts his head, a sweet smile on his face.] I know I sound sappy, but Alice...I'm really glad we're meeting like this. It's so good to see you.

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