[ It is not enough, he thinks, to study just this kiss and the press of the curved mouth as it bestows tender sweetness on him. He wants for nothing more than to drag Yu from room to room in this ship so that he might experience it in all of its different colors and textures. So that he might experience Yu in the same way, because it's all different now, this warmth that lights the other man's presence like the perpetual cast of the sun.
It changes things, changes him.
Yet cloistered in the gentle slide of lips against his own, he cannot hold onto this desire or train of thought to carry it out. The hunger of earlier twists within him again, a hot, writhing pressure that drives him a little deeper into the kiss and a little further away from contemplation.
Instead of careful observation, he can think only--we're never going to make it to the rec-room at this rate--and he relents and relinquishes to as much willfully.
Because he is certain that he needs to eat, but the hunger is not one sated with food.
And he is certain that he needs to rest, but it's as if he's only just now been woken from a lifelong slumber.
Above all else, he is certain that these needs which deepen by the second can be granted by only this man.
(It is a frightful thing, to realize that another human has so much control over him, but this too slips away from him, because though it is something to be feared, he does not know how to feel it.)
It in this moment, crisp and sharp and alive, he understands the madness of the fall, grasps the why of the language used to describe it--
Because he is utterly, hopelessly, stupidly in love. He has been in love, not fiercely falling or immediately succumbing, but gently dissolving in the chaos of it, and he knows now what to call these confused and much too fierce emotions. He knows what terrible force had kept him from pushing Yu away, and to acknowledge it, even to himself, releases a weight he had no realized carried.
A fool from the start, Lavi thinks ruefully but smiles, whole and warm, I really was ruined long before now.
He draws back, mouth numb and tingling, forehead pressed against Yu's, the hand that had held to jaw now nestled in cloth over his partner's back, the other twining and threading fingers together like a delicate lattice. ]
I...
[ Softly he begins, and sharply he stops. He is not yet brave enough to say what he knows to be true, though the words gather at his mouth and crowd at his teeth. No, he's not ready for that, because acknowledging it for himself is already a feat beyond his normal, and he cannot say it aloud for fear of allowing to be rendered false later.
Still, at this moment, he says to himself: am so stupidly in love with you, and he smiles as he says these things mentally, you bastard.
To this he shakes his head again (reminded, again, not to do that by the slap of pain that results), exhaling out what he cannot say. ]
..don't think I'm gonna have the energy to get to the couch, at this rate.
[ Words meant to warn, though whether that warning is directed to Lavi or Yu isn't clear immediately. When he leans forward again, lips pressed to lips, tongue tapping lightly at the bow of them, the intended recipient of that cautioning is illuminated.
Himself. Most certainly himself, though he does as all men must with good advice and promptly ignores it. ]
no subject
It changes things, changes him.
Yet cloistered in the gentle slide of lips against his own, he cannot hold onto this desire or train of thought to carry it out. The hunger of earlier twists within him again, a hot, writhing pressure that drives him a little deeper into the kiss and a little further away from contemplation.
Instead of careful observation, he can think only--we're never going to make it to the rec-room at this rate--and he relents and relinquishes to as much willfully.
Because he is certain that he needs to eat, but the hunger is not one sated with food.
And he is certain that he needs to rest, but it's as if he's only just now been woken from a lifelong slumber.
Above all else, he is certain that these needs which deepen by the second can be granted by only this man.
(It is a frightful thing, to realize that another human has so much control over him, but this too slips away from him, because though it is something to be feared, he does not know how to feel it.)
It in this moment, crisp and sharp and alive, he understands the madness of the fall, grasps the why of the language used to describe it--
Because he is utterly, hopelessly, stupidly in love. He has been in love, not fiercely falling or immediately succumbing, but gently dissolving in the chaos of it, and he knows now what to call these confused and much too fierce emotions. He knows what terrible force had kept him from pushing Yu away, and to acknowledge it, even to himself, releases a weight he had no realized carried.
A fool from the start, Lavi thinks ruefully but smiles, whole and warm, I really was ruined long before now.
He draws back, mouth numb and tingling, forehead pressed against Yu's, the hand that had held to jaw now nestled in cloth over his partner's back, the other twining and threading fingers together like a delicate lattice. ]
I...
[ Softly he begins, and sharply he stops. He is not yet brave enough to say what he knows to be true, though the words gather at his mouth and crowd at his teeth. No, he's not ready for that, because acknowledging it for himself is already a feat beyond his normal, and he cannot say it aloud for fear of allowing to be rendered false later.
Still, at this moment, he says to himself: am so stupidly in love with you, and he smiles as he says these things mentally, you bastard.
To this he shakes his head again (reminded, again, not to do that by the slap of pain that results), exhaling out what he cannot say. ]
..don't think I'm gonna have the energy to get to the couch, at this rate.
[ Words meant to warn, though whether that warning is directed to Lavi or Yu isn't clear immediately. When he leans forward again, lips pressed to lips, tongue tapping lightly at the bow of them, the intended recipient of that cautioning is illuminated.
Himself. Most certainly himself, though he does as all men must with good advice and promptly ignores it. ]