It's not that he's particularly self-sacrificing--Lavi doesn't think so, anyway. It's just the natural role of someone who's tasked to observe without ever becoming attached: to redirect attention away from himself and tend to others. All things considered, it's been easy to ignore his own disquieting visions, the spark of headaches, the fraying edges of a normally keen mind.
There have always been more pressing concerns than himself. No, it's not some altruistic nature at all, it's just another form of deception and cowardice to keep himself removed from the world.
A tactic that Yu has been consistently fighting against, though the reasons why largely elude him. He no more understands why his partner insists on sincerity than he grasps why he's been so weak to resist it.
Or, for that matter, why he can't seem to look away from the gaze so intent on holding his own.
Swallowing harder than he'd like, Lavi relents the cloth in his hands, lets Yu guide him back with just as much care and consideration as the first time. He still yearns to protest it--this tenderness--and redirect, but he's cognizant enough of his own patterns to refrain.
To accept letting himself be the one who isn't perfectly okay, if only for this moment. And maybe even tolerate the idea of wanting to be cared for, despite so many years of training bidding him shame for it.
Thus Yu gets his unlikely hope--not in the form of anxiety released or worries blanketed with those words, but in reluctant agreement not to press the point. Lavi doesn't really believe that he's half as okay as he says, but he's in no real position to argue that or do anything about it.
The catch in the other's voice, however, isn't sparred as readily. Eye narrowing faintly, Lavi summons one of those ghost smiles, weak and waning though it is. ]
Just Noah, huh? [ He supposes he doesn't deserve any better--but if he's going to be selfish in this, he might as well be thorough about it. Lavi tries to fake a hurt expression, something mocking and light-hearted.
The result is something much more honest than his original aim. ] Definitely don't want to.. make her cross with you, then.
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It's not that he's particularly self-sacrificing--Lavi doesn't think so, anyway. It's just the natural role of someone who's tasked to observe without ever becoming attached: to redirect attention away from himself and tend to others. All things considered, it's been easy to ignore his own disquieting visions, the spark of headaches, the fraying edges of a normally keen mind.
There have always been more pressing concerns than himself. No, it's not some altruistic nature at all, it's just another form of deception and cowardice to keep himself removed from the world.
A tactic that Yu has been consistently fighting against, though the reasons why largely elude him. He no more understands why his partner insists on sincerity than he grasps why he's been so weak to resist it.
Or, for that matter, why he can't seem to look away from the gaze so intent on holding his own.
Swallowing harder than he'd like, Lavi relents the cloth in his hands, lets Yu guide him back with just as much care and consideration as the first time. He still yearns to protest it--this tenderness--and redirect, but he's cognizant enough of his own patterns to refrain.
To accept letting himself be the one who isn't perfectly okay, if only for this moment. And maybe even tolerate the idea of wanting to be cared for, despite so many years of training bidding him shame for it.
Thus Yu gets his unlikely hope--not in the form of anxiety released or worries blanketed with those words, but in reluctant agreement not to press the point. Lavi doesn't really believe that he's half as okay as he says, but he's in no real position to argue that or do anything about it.
The catch in the other's voice, however, isn't sparred as readily. Eye narrowing faintly, Lavi summons one of those ghost smiles, weak and waning though it is. ]
Just Noah, huh? [ He supposes he doesn't deserve any better--but if he's going to be selfish in this, he might as well be thorough about it. Lavi tries to fake a hurt expression, something mocking and light-hearted.
The result is something much more honest than his original aim. ] Definitely don't want to.. make her cross with you, then.